I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he was CRYING into my vagina
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize