New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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