you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
All I want is dick and wine.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
