She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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