I saw his package. It spoke to me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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