saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
