I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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