where am i from again
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
