if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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