I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
