I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
