I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
