a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
