I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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