I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
