how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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