1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize