It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i drank out of a bidet.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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