i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
