your thong is hanging out like whoa
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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