im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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