The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
