She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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