y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize