ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize