you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
