umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
