I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
