I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
