Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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