i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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