Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
