I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
