I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
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