talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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