you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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