I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
