my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
