I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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