Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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