She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
being pregnant is like rehab
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
