I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
