After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
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You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize