I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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