a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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