If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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