What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just invented taco cereal.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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