last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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