I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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