Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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