we're chasing vodka with high fives
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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