Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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