i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
