he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Randomize
