I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
