I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
