Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
