i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
