I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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