I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
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The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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