Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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