My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
