rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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