So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and she was petting her beer can
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
